Hot as balls out there ain't it? At least it is here in NY-Skeezy, so my girl Katie Pizza and I, Siggy Pop, made a heatwave playlist in the middle of a sweltering, alcohol-induced Friday night/Saturday morning delirium. You will see that the criteria for this list was quite simple-- the songs need to have either the words "Hot" or "Heat" in the title (Hot Hot Heat was disqualified for being "too 2002", although Hot in Herre was obviously not). But apparently we're accidental playlist masters cuz this shit is the perfect summer hotmix... which is why I'm posting it on my digital graveyard of a blog that I haven't updated in like six months-- IT'S THAT GOOD!
Hot Freaks, Hotwax, Hot Pants, Hot Stuff, Hot Boyz, Hot Poop, Hot and Cold Skulls... what more could you even want in a hotmix.. or in anything at all ?? (maybe not the poop but whatever it's Zappa) ?? This jaunt is lit-rally too hot to handle, so stop reading and go get some ya hott mess!
"Dude I'm so hot this mix is so good" - Lohanistan
Hey Happy New Years Eve! I love this day cuz it's all about champagne and confetti and dressing up and having fun and thinking about the past and the future and all that jazz. Here's a few inspirational videos from dance parties of yore to get you revved up and ready for the big night. And hey, even if yr big night involves sitting in your parents basement watching the Snooki drop or Andy Cohen's campy wig drop party on Bravo or god forbid, Ryan Seacrest's little shitshow-- HAVE A GOOD ONE. (This is really all just an excuse to post vintage clips of dance parties, but seriously, have a good one.)
Classic New Years Eve party from 1980/81:
This 90's dance party public access show is really, really dope. What I wouldn't give to have been there.. or rather, I'd like to take a time machine and have my NOW-self be there:
And we really cannot forget Will 2K, possibly one of the greatest music videos ever, and DEFINITELY the greatest New Years song of all time. Will's getting all geared up for the new millennium (who WASN'T freaking out about Y2K?) and he's got a time machine and they go to the 20's, the 70's and the 80's, then things start glitching, decades are intersecting, and then they go to the FUTURE and Will's a robot man and there are dancing orbs and the whole thing's just a futuristic romp of good times.
DJ Earworm just made a mashup of all the biggest pop songs of 2010 and it is such a nice, perfect compliment to everything I just wrote about yesterday. If you're too ADD to sit down and watch every GD video you can basically just watch this and get the gist of the state of popular jamz in the era of us. But you should defffff still go read all the shit I have to say about it, wink wink, duh duh. Plus, it's the closest Train will ever get to making an appearance on this blog, so they can thank their lucky stars for the gift of mashups, cuz lord knows they need more exposure. A bunch of Dr. Lukians made up the majority of this jaunt which only proves my theories of world domination.. and god, seeing Ke$ha ride her little bike around and interject shit throughout this whole thing really rustles my jimmies, so don't for a second think I've gone $oft on the topic of Ke$h. 2011 will undoubtedly serve more opportunities to make fun of her, and everything else.
So I thought it'd be fun to do some little recaps for the end of the year considering how absent I've been for the majority of it. It was rough remaining mum about all the fucked up things that happened this year in pop culture, but hey, I gotta do what I gotta do (aka not spend 5 hours a day blogging about Ke$ha). So we're gonna start off with a classic best and worst jams of 2010 list. I'm culling this list out of popular music cuz that's what makes the world turn, right?
! ! ! ~ B E S T S O N G S O F 2 0 1 0 ~ ! ! !
We Speak No Americano by Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
I kid you not when I say that this may be the jammiest jam of all jammin' year. I could not go into a bodega, taxi cab, pizza shop, you name it-- without hearing this song. Once it gets in your head, that infectious little blippy beat is not leaving. Trust me.. cuz it was in my head for about two months straight, and I didn't know the name of the song, and one day literally spent a whole half hour (!) googling "Dance Music Hits 2010" until I found it. It shouldn't have even taken me that long considering it's the #1 Dance song in the WORLD. I really feel like this song is our generation's Macerena, except we don't get a cool dance to go with it (somebody please get on this ASAP).
How Low by Ludacris
"Rumor has it, that if you go low enough-- Ludacris will appear in the mirror". There is no better way to start a concept video than with those words. How Low was nowhere near as big of a radio hit as it should have been, but I can live with it cuz I'm just glad Luda's still got swagger after all these years and is still churning out quality tunes. Plus, between all his guest slots on J-Beiber, Taio Cruz, & Enrique Iglesias, I'd say he's become the certified master of saving otherwise mediocre songs from being irrelevant. Shazam.
Telephone by Lady Gaga
At first I wasn't gonna bother putting this on cuz I figured it'd been talked about to death butttt then the video came on TV while I was writing this and I was like "Wait, I'm gonna talk about Taio Cruz and not Telephone? That's bloggy blasphemy". This video's absurd and will withstand the test of time, and at least exhibits a bit of goddamn innovation unlike most vids.
Fuck You by Cee Lo
I posted this entry originally neglecting to mention what is without question maybe the best pop song of the year, and it's literally cuz I forgot about the damn thing! How the fuck could Spunky as Fuck neglect to post Fuck You?! FUCCCKKK!! But the reason I think I forgot about my man Ceezy is cuz the mass media (or at least pop radio) was forced to kind of downplay this song due to the fact that it has an expletive in the title, which is a theme I'm familiar with! So I'm sure as hell not gonna play that game. It's such a bummer that such a great song didn't get as much airplay as it should've cuz it had to be dumbed down/edited to be "Forget You". Ugh, the phrase "Forget You" packs no punch and sounds so wimpy which this song is so NOT. So to those who can't handle this jamthem as it is all I can say is... well, u already know.
What's My Name by Rihanna (feat. Drake)
I think I'm kinda biased towards this song cuz it's filmed on my street in the Lower East Side and my favorite trashy liquor store gets a cameo, and Ri & Drake get really sexy in the deli I get coffee at in the mornings... but that doesn't change the fact that this song is wedged really hard in my brain like, literally all the time. Producers take note: You really can't go wrong with some aptly placed OOH NA NA's, cuz that's the shit earworms are made of. Rihanna had a pretty great year between this, Only Girl In The World, and Rude Boy, but let's not think that she can do no wrong...
! ! ! W o O o O o O o R s t S o n g s o f 2 0 1 0 ! ! !
Love the Way You Lie by Eminem (feat. Rihanna)
Ugh. This song. I have spent so much time trying to wrap my head around why Rihanna would agree to do this stupid song and sing stupid lyrics like "Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, but that's alright because I love the way you lie" while Eminem screams over about how fucked up their relationship is and how:
Even though I know it's lies I'm tired of the games I just want her back I know I'm a liar If she ever tries to fucking leave again I'mma tie her to the bed And set the house on fire
(Rih-beaten to a pulp-anna in) Just gonna stand there And watch me burn But that's alright Because I like The way it hurts."
Like, uhh, what? You're getting off on this? You're down with your dude being a total dick to you and making you cry and lying to you? That's cool with you, you like that? Last time I checked you were a victim of a terrible abusive relationship and should be an advocate raising awareness for people in similar situations so as to not perpetuate romanticized ideas about dangerous love. It's irresponsible and sad to see that she's not against promoting submissive ideals and saying that it's okay to have your partner lose control as long as they say they're sorry, especially after all that she's been through. And the fact that they got Megan Fox to star as a glamorous abusee in the video is just adding insult to injury (literally).
The fucking Hey Soul Sister song by Train
I'm not even going to burden you with the video for this song because a) Train is not allowed on Spunky as Fuck, and b) I know that you all have been forced to hear it 10 billion times by this point because it was a pussy, oozing scab on culture this year that refused to heal. I swear to gawd this song would NOT GO AWAY because it was used in like, five different commercials, every single ad for that terrible Katherine Heigle-Josh Duhamel movie Life As We Know It, and it basically just became the go-to "Hey look at this lil' happy-go-lucky situation we have here!" theme song. You will never get those little ukulele strums and "HAAAY! HA-A-A-A-AY! HA-A-A-A-A-AAAAAY"'s out of your head as long as you live, and that's an existential crisis in itself. Anyone reading this has permission to kill Train, and if they ask, tell 'em Spunky sent ya.
Runaway by Kanye West
Yeah guess what I'm about to shit on Kanye. Mr. 10.0 doesn't polarize me into thinking he's a genius just cuz every other music journalist is sucking his dick. As far as listen-ability is concerned, this song isn't as godawful hideous as some of the others on the list. But let's contemplate something:
WHY THE FUCK DO I WANNA TOAST TO THE DOUCHE BAGS? FUCK THE DOUCHE BAGS!
Don't try and trick me into thinking douche bags are cool and toast-able! Don't try and make me think that because you've made it easy to sing along to that I wanna like, roll with douche bags and sip champagne in their honor.. and esPECIALLY don't tell me that it's like, a metaphor for how the girl should get awayyy cuz like, she's a phoenixxxx and whatever that unbearably long wank-sesh of an "art film" tells you cuz that's all Kanye egotistic bullshit trying to make you think he's being abstract and deep (i.e., self-important and misogynistic).
But think about this for a sec-- think about a douche bag in your life. Perhaps he or she is that douche in your class that always says something pretentious and hyper-ironic (or maybe that's just an art school phenomenon..), or that person you work with that always has to turn conversation to be about themselves and is vaguely racist. Or maybe it's that dude that gets way too drunk at a party and starts arguing with everyone about how ____insert douchey comment about culture_____ is. Do you reaaalllly wanna give a toast to that douche bag? Do you? Or hey, perhaps you love Kanye and you think I'm a douche bag for writing this. Do you want to toast to me right now? Yep, gotcha. AND-- he sounds particularly awful on this track as far as vocals are concerned. I think he's attempting to sound earnest or something with his wobbly vocals and unpolished tracks or whatever but it just sounds like a waste of my time.
Guiltiest Guilty Pleasurez of 2010
Anything Dr. Luke Laid His Hands On
You may not know him by name (yet), but Dr. Luke is the reason you've been secretly humming Ke$ha and Katy Perry to yourself all year, wondering why you're being possessed by demons. It's not demons, it's the fact that our glittery pop tart specimens are merely vessels for Dr. Luke's sugar high-inducing prescriptions (who am I, and why am I writing like this?). You see, Dr. Luke is the man behind all the magic, as he is the main producer for Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, Taio Cruz, and probably anybody else you wish you weren't humming along to. Party in the USA? Blame him. California Gurls, Teenage Dream, Firework? He dun did that. And he executive produced pretty much every single song for Ke$ha in the past year. And I'm not even going to pretend to attach any shame to my love affair with Dynamite:
This song and Taio Cruz are both fairly unremarkable, but everything about the production is just so damn catchy, and I feel I would be living a lie to deny his innumerable hit-making powers (he did Since U Been Gone and Girlfriend as well). What a motherfucker. Imma sum this up with a We R Who We R/Dynamite mashup, aka, We R Dynamite:
Also, we have yet to address Firework, my least favorite of the many guilty pleasures Katy Pizza had to offer this year... but we should probably expound on how fucking ree-dic this video is. Please, join me as I write a stream of consciousness rant. Press play and start reading the next bit as you watch:
Alright so here we are in a pretty city in Europe, lots of fun cityscapes, architecture, etc, and here comes Katy in her awkward dress (belt? beaded tassles?), trying to make us forget that she's been riding the slutwave for the past year (hey at least it's not a GD rubber dress). She's making a bad, outdated metaphor from American Beauty about being a plastic bag, and then there's some shots of a bad divorce scene, parents are fighting, madness/sadness ensues, another bad metaphor about being a house of cards (really?), now some peeps are jumping in a pool, a chubby girl's like "No, I don't wanna swim, I'm sad", and oh shit there's a kid with with cancer in a waiting room, contemplating shit, ignittte the liiiight, and then BOOM FIREWORKS SHOOTING OUT OF HER TITS! Yes, yes, this all makes so much sense. Divorce + Chubby Girl Insecurities + Cancer = Firetits. Now we've all got fire shooting from our nips, we're gonna show our demonz who's boss... Make em' go uhhh uhhh uhhh till ya shoot across the sky (ejaculation reference), angsty teen shoots his fighting parents with his firetits AND WE'RE DANCING! AND WE'RE DANCING! Everybody needs to put down their problems cuz YOU'RE A MOTHERFUCKING FIREWORK. DANCE! DANCE! FUCK THE WORLD AND DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U don't have 2 feel, Like a waste of space, Yr original Cannot b replaced ; )
(sorry got distracted by the poignant lyrics). Now we're getting into the underlying "It Gets Better" message that pop stars have adopted as a trend for their music videos (We R Who We R is one too, such advocates, these girlz). And more firetits. And more fighting insecurities via firetits. And most of all, more bad metaphors.
But um, back to Dr. Luke... I have a love/hate relationship with this man, because he is making it so that Ke$ha is unable to be a one-hit wonder because the beats and synth lines he's pairing with her songs (Katy PeePee's as well) to make them virtually unavoidable. This man is such a master that he was able to literally just reverse the tune of the chorus of Tik Tok to make it the chorus of California Gurls and they were both two of the biggest hits in recent memory. Yo, Dr. Luke, diagnose me with something so we can work together and you can make me a rich pop slut, kay? Thanksssss...
Like a G6 by Far East Movement
I think I must just be a whore for synth or something cuz that's the only explanation for why I like any of these guilty pleasures. Who'd have thunk a bunch of Asian rapper boyz from the far east would make it all the way to Spunky? Certainly not me, that's who.
Please Don't Go by Mike Posner
I know, you guys are all like "Mike Who? Fuck this guy!!", and I kinda am too until we get to the synth line in the chorus and then I'm like oh fuck, now I have to listen to you. This song really is the epitome of a guilty pleasure cuz I don't even wanna talk about it, that's how guilty I am. The whole "If you leave I'm gon' find you" part in the chorus is kinnnnd of creepy and I know I'm gonna one day regret ever putting down in writing that I respect this man in some way, shape, or form... So I'm not gonna talk about it any more, and you guys aren't gonna hold the fact that this song is being brought to your attention against me, k? (Shut up I know yr tapping yr toes too...).
Ummm okay. I think I need to wrap this up before I start philosophizing the Black Eyed Peas or Michael Buble or some shit, cuz once you go Buble you never go back, and that's not a risk I'm willing to take. If you think I missed something or you wanna educate me on why Kanye isn't a pompous douche bag, leave it in the muh'fuggin comments.
WHOOP WHOOP! Check it out, my work's being shown on I Heart Photograph today! This is a total honor as IHP is probably my all time fave photo blog. It features some of my work from the past year, along with two new pieces. The Glitz Pageant girl and the Sad Girls Club ladies are from my newest series, Role Modelz, which is exploring negative female stereotypes in the pop world and the effect it's having on culture (a topic we've delved into more than a few times on this-here bloggo). There's a lot more to come and if you like the work check out my personal blog HERE.
I can thank Bobby Doherty for this, as he is guest contributing for the week. Bobby is one of the most talented people I know, and it would be silly stupid of you to not check out his work. He's a master, and someone to look out for. Check out his work HERE.
As for the state of Spunky, I'm gonna do a year-end review in the next week to make up for all the fun things we didn't get to talk about during my frenzied second-to-last semester of college. I miss this blog so much I can't wait to talk about all the fun shit!!
I'll leave you with this bullshit, as it is a readymade counterpart to my work:
I now interrupt the Spunky As Fuck Hiatus of 2010 for this very important video:
There already is a video for this godawful song but she decided it wasn't visually offensive enough and decided to throw on some more heinous white fluorescent lipstick and add some really bad digital effects just for good measure. In the vid's description Ke$$$$$ha $ay$:
"heyy to all my fans! sooooo....me n my friends were bored and we were really channeling some 80s hard (tron, david bowie in labyrinth, revenge of the nerds) and we made this new video for take it off. it was really fun to make. i hope you guys like it!!!!!"
Huh.. so you and your friends just threw this shit together when you were bored? Do you guys just happen to have a fucking leopard lying around? They probably were watching the first one and were like "It just doesn't make me feel like I have a $exually transmitted rash all over my body enough... let's go roll in some chickenfat grease outside of a Chinese restaurant and make a new one and have some post-production dudes add some sikq graphixx to it". Or at least that's how I imagine Ke$ha and her friend$ to talk. The Jeffree Star appearance just adds insult to injury, as I haven't thought about him since Myspace whores were still relevant (were they ever really relevant? No, I refuse to give them that sort of satisfaction).
Speaking of the Devil Ke$ha I may as well throw in this fun little quote Jezebel posted today on how Ke$$$$$$$$$$$ha uses road kill for fa$hion:
"A friend of mine has a big farm in the desert, and she picks up feathers and roadkill for me, then makes it into clothes".
So Ke$ha's not above wearing roadkill either. I know I shouldn't be surprised but like.. really? Roadkill? You really wanna take it to that level? Why haven't you gone away yet? You were supposed to be a one hit wonder you little maggot woman, GO AWAY! Your terrible assault on culture has lasted far longer than it was supposed to, shut it dowwwn.. you're the worst pop star maybe of all time, and that's really saying something.
Umm one last thing in case you haven't seen it, which is Ke$ha's stint on The Simple Life like.. six years ago. Her mother's presence (and audacity to call Paris and Nicole for matchmaking purposes) clears up any and all questions about any possible brain damage Ke$ha may have had inflicted upon her:
Thanks Schmelia Lee for the vidzy.
By the way, I'm not happy that Spunky's been lying lifeless in the gutter as of late, but I have been caught up with a coveted internship at Saturday Night Live that leaves me 2 bizzy 2 bloggg. I'll still do posts when I feel extreme inspiration (such as this), but can't make any promises about nurturing Spunky back into the beautiful blog she once had dreams of being. Maybe one day... but big dreams IRL have to come first.
